Remember My Pet Moster??

F'reals. D'you remember it?? I think it was one of my absolute FAVOURITE shows as a kid. But I never knew when it was on... 'CAUSE I WAS A CHILD...so catching it was AWESOME. It was like when you only thought there was fruit for dessert, and then BAM, chocolate cake m'fuckas! F'reals. Ok, I promise, that's the end of my apostrophied abreviations. Ridiculous.

Basically, that little monster would get out of his handcuffs, get that kid into trouble, and then before you could look the cuffs were back on him "who me? A little cute stuffed animal?". I mean, what kind of adult would believe a kid saying his "monster" did it. Ya. Right. You STUPID LYING KID.




Ummm... well, I, like, kinda, like have a monster? Believe me?

OK WOAH. Before you're all like "OMG guys, Perrie's schizophrenic, like for real. Omg guys..."

Ok, well, I'm not, but I did figure something out last night. I've heard of this thing that some people are never happy no matter what they do or have. They're always searching for better; never satisfied. Well I've been starting to worry that it was me...  BUT THEN I REALIZED. HOLY FUCK! It's not ME... it's that I have a MONSTER! It's not scary or anything, like, I'm not gonna go light your house on fire... but it is a monster. Here's the deal:

When I was a kid I was HUGELY imaginative. Most of the time I'd rather play alone because then I could create the full-out world I wanted to be in and didn't worry about having to explain it to my IDIOT friends (I'm totally kidding, my friends were cool). Like one time I decided to be this flute-player who lived on the sea and dolphins were my friends. So I attached our sea-blue sleeping bag (as the sea OBVIOUSLY) to a door handle and sat on it with my recorder, playing to my dolphin friends. Also, I would set up jumps and jump over them as a horse... I rode competitively until I was 12... it made sense.

WHAT I'm getting at here is that my imagination was, and STILL IS, huge. I wrote stories, painted, acted, played piano and made-believe random, random things and ALWAYS had something on the go. Well, I didn't realize it at the time, but that was my BEAST OF CREATIVITY just getting all warmed up, and taking form. My thoughts and behaviours have been hugely garnered by this thing, it's tres powerful. I feed it an idea of things to do, it chews it up, tastes it, and goes *BAH* and spits it out, "NEXT!". So I try something else...

Will this path please you little monster? Chew, chew, chew *BAH* ... ok... shall we go back to this? Chew, chew, chew *BAH*... no? ok... well how about we just quit everything and try something new? Chew, chew, chew *BAH BAH BAHHHHH*... Oh no? umm... well I'm out of ideas then!... Ooooh yaaa??? Well then I will go back in my cave until you figure your shit out. Enjoy depression, loser.

That's a typical emotional conversation I have. Good times.

Ok WAIT. So before we all write me off as a psycho. Understand that I'm not ACTUALLY talking to a monster, but I have realized that I'm constantly trying to please this creative beast. I suppose it makes me somewhat spontaneous, but it also creates huge lulls of being frustrated, confused, bummed, and general un-rest.

This monster, who obviously needs a name, seeing as at freaking TWENTY SIX I've finally figured out what's going on, is HUGELY ambitious (HEYYY!! Let's ride horses, own your own very successful company, act in plays, write music, sing in a band, become a fashion stylist, and also an interior decorator! Oh! ANND produce your own theatre! DO IT BITCH). He wants everything all the time. He gets sulky and pissed at me constantly, and sometimes will just NOT perform. And he's starting to act up again...

Uh oh...

The beginning of this week I felt bujiggity. Something was off, and I couldn't figure it out. WTF (sorry, I promised I woudn't use the abreve's anymore... I clearly lied) ... WHAT DO YOU WANT, THING?

... uh huh...

... uh huh...

Ohhh. REALLY? Ha ha. Ok... well, I'll get on that :)

Clifff HANGER.



But I am going to leave you with this today. Because I like it:

People often underestimate the power of waiting a situation out. As I've gotten older, I've noticed there's a great deal of power in pause. Sometimes we make problems worse by rushing to fix them. -- Elizabeth Gilbert