OH THERE YOU ARE PETER!

This is actually laughable. No, it's not just laughable. I AM laughing. I'm sitting here, Black Keys on the audio, laughing. Well... ok truthfully... I'm laughing quietly, so I'm more just shaking a little. Chest pumps and breath. But that's laughing, dawg.

...It has been so BLOODY long since I've had even an inclination to write my thoughts out - "Out" and not down, m'cause people can read them, yo. I'm feeling a little rusty. BUT the intention was there, so I must have something to say, seeing as it's been OVER a year. 

I feel like this is a new chapter. Ok, so before I saddle up for a big order of CORN DOG. I will qualify that by explaining that it IS actually a new start. Last time I was doing a lot of re-happiness searching. I found a lot of it. A LOT I say. But guess what?! I pretty sure I just found s'more. WOAHHHHH. 

It's pretty amazing and cosmically awesome when you realize you can still surprise yourself. Isn't it? If you haven't for a while, then I fully recommend it. What should you do? Fack, I don't know. I don't know your scary place! That's just a fact.
...It's terrifying to say the least, but based on how good I've felt lately I can say it was entirely worth it... getting scared.

I'm debating here how much to actually divulge, right here, right now. It's a lot. It's a bit of a slut, this information... it just wants to spill all over the place and all over everything. But truthfully, doesn't the art of writing include a little suspense? Intricate details, slowly ebbing out of the bucket, weaving a tapestry of much more as each piece finds one another. 

For me I would say my fear stems from the unknown, unsure that if you just take a step in the direction you are looking towards that you won't be caught. That you'll loose more than you gain. Remember when you were a kid, flush with the freedom of fearlessness and you'd try something new or different, and then because kids can be brutally honest and inexplicably cruel, they would shoot that down (adults did that too. But children are more blunt). If you tried something new as a child, and were rebuffed, then why when more is at risk, would we want to attempt an unknown as an adult? 


Because for some reason you know that you have to.


For me, that pressure cooker has only one exit. When the things that you are continuing to do hurts a hell of a lot more than the alternative; the fear of trying something new. You jus' gotsta do that new thing.

But I have to say I've been down-poopin' BLOWN AWAY by how things have lined up for me in the past little while. I took a big breath, took a step in the direction I have felt innately right for so long and realized that as soon as I did that, unseen events came forward to push me along; carry me, when I didn't have my own strength and keep me looking forward when I didn't think I could. 

I'm not a religious person, but dagnabbit, this was pretty incredible. 

I've been surrounded by love, jobs, people, joy, fresh starts, perfectly aligned opportunities and a lot of wine.


A lot of you know one or a few of the things I'm talking about. But trust me, there are more and some are still being discovered. At the end of the day the scariest thing? The most embarrassing thing to admit? I am unbelievably HAPPY. Contented. Blissful. Optimistic. Excited about my life. Loving more people than I thought I possibly could.


It's hard to admit that when getting there comes with a cost. I've been sad - this is undeniable. But I'm not one to look back and I can't believe how strong and excited, and young I feel. Which is awesome, because who wouldn't want to feel 20, with the extra 8 years of experience to keep you from being a total facking moron (again). 20 year olds are totally, like, super cute... but... yaaaa....

I think partially, I have felt compelled to write as the last time I went on a  journey it gave me a touch point that I could continue coming back to as I delved into the unsure darkness all around me. This time I am similarly delving... some DELVATION as it were. But this time I have a concrete end I am reaching toward. 

HOLY HANNAH. I am being so bleamin' cryptic. I should start again. Try a different approach. But some of the fun of reading this silly blog is that I don't really know where I'm going to end up, and sometimes I find what I didn't know I was looking for mid thought stream. 

Let's end this ridiculous defibrillating Blog with some FABULOUS things that I am loving right now. 


>>Drake. I FLIPPING love Drake. I don't know why. I used to hate him. But I do. Now. Love. Him. I'm hood... Deal with it. 


>>Hahaha. As I am about to write this next thing I realize that it's ALSO Drake. Hilarious. I am working at The Drake, and as much as I'm not totally pumped on the fact that I'm back in the serving world - as, clearly I'd rather be acting... I also AM pumped on this. And of all the places I could work? I'd say The Drake is pretty much the pinnacle of what I'm looking for soooo. WOO HOO.

>>I had an awesome experience shooting a film with Mr. Brian Allan Stewart this past January. It provided strength when I wasn't sure of anything. It reminded me that I am an actor above most other things. I'm curious about humans. It pushed me to things I had never done, and reinstated the fact that "Yes, I can" (Thanks. President O). I am super excited to collaborate on the next project and I feel really grateful. 

>>An adorable, bright, and fresh sublet via Ms. Ashlie Corcoran. Brilliant woman, darling friend. I am so excited to have such a vibrant place to live for the next few months. 


>>The amount of INCREDIBLE people who I have in my life. People who have always been there, others who have re-surfaced, ones I've only just met. Every new friend who has come forward in the last couple of months has grossly informed my learny-learning about myself and where I see myself. It's freaking remarkable. I would be no where with out all of you. 

Holy heck. For someone who keeps a rather waspy outlook on emotion, I just showed you a lot of my biznatch. YEEP!


That's all. I know I've been edgier and more fun in past posts. That's still freaking in there. I just gotta get out all the love first, y'all! 

Oooh! And a song, which makes everything bad better, and everything awesome even awesomer! OMG I'm so excited for you to hear this right now. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWlIEBPKl7M


xoxox Perrie