HEY FORD! RIDE THIS!

Let me preface this by saying I have never really taken an interest in politics outside of caring what the elected candidate will do, or disgustingly not do, for the Arts community. I simply haven't taken the time to understand the terms, the rules, or the tiers.

As someone who believes that politicians are (mostly) human, and understanding that, realize that they probably can't follow through on 90% of their promises because once they get voted in, they have to fight everyone in parliament who believes their opinions and destinations are the most important... sort of like rush hour on the TTC... so I don't really hold them up to standards, or pay too much attention to them promising on their "mama's cherry pie" that they're going to give everyone one-million dollars if they're elected ... oh! and make the city crime-free.

I'm more of a grocery-store grazer of politics, pick up headlines when need be, graze articles, and at the end of the day vote the way I always do... however, this election - I'm flipping concerned. The upcoming election, which I didn't even know was coming until about a month ago when I witnessed one of the most repulsive people ever have top rank in the voting polls. Are people BLIND? How can you actually want to see MORE of that man? Ohh ok, I'll stop being coy. But I"m pretty sure y'all know who I be talking 'bout. The big, bald, red-faced, baby? The man who looks like he eats a 20 ounce steak morning, noon and night, and washes 'er down with a 40 of J.D.?

Like, really? It's like Chris Farley (RIP. You funny, funny bastard) and a 1000 pound swine had a baby... and named him Robby.

Ok I'm not here to low-ball and poke fun... I'm pretty sure Ford can do that to himself just by showing up. But I do have to say, that since that video on Youtube got posted of Ford basically eating his own head and making words come out of his ass, is one of the more non-sensical musings since George W...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nySs1cEq5rs

The best defense I've read pertaining to that video is that in fact ROADS were created BEFORE cars, for humans to walk on. After that, were horse and carriages, followed by bikes, carts, and THEN cars... so roads aren't really FOR cars, are they FORD?

And if you REALLY want to see more of this eloquent man of mystery, here's a different 8 minute video, or you could just listen, although his grating voice isn't much better. It seems he may have revised some of his tactics, by proposing an alternate solution, which would NEVER get approved (perhaps why he suggests it)... he suggests widening the sidewalks in the downtown core? That's just so stupid. This isn't the SUBURBS Rob, there just isn't the room. This one is worth listening to just to hear how he opens:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nySs1cEq5rs&feature=related

Now, aside from that. I've noticed a heightened hostility from the drivers lately as I bike to work, despite being in a bike lane for 95% of the trip, and despite being one of the more respectful riders, because I have seen bikes creep the fuck up on you with a bloody death wish. In Ford's video he mentions that the bikers hate the cars and vice versa. I don't know if that's true... For instance, I don't like certain people in cars that yell "stupid bitch" at me before 9 am, and I don't like cars that cut me off... but truth be told, they're probably telling their mother she's a stupid bitch, and the cutters-off are probably cutting off a 16-wheeler. Dumb people are dumb people regardless of who's around. I think most of the drivers in this city are assholes regardless of whether or not I'm on a bike. I can't help wondering, however, if Ford may being inciting this growing hostility.

I wish he could visit Amsterdam... the bike parking lots take up the amount of room as multi-level parking garage in Toronto. The lanes ARE on the road, but there is a divider the size of a parking median all the way along keeping the bikers safe; cyclists clearly run that city, and you best be getting out their way biaaaatch. Seriously, getting hit by a cyclist in Amsterdam is not out of question.

As well, how is Ford defending cars?? He mentions that he drives in 3 times a week from Etobicoke. Is there not some form of transit, ie. GO Train, Bus, Subway, that can get him from the suburbs to where the ACTUAL city is? Shouldn't we be ramping the transit system to help unclog our roads so that traffic and POLLUTION (helloooo!!!) is reduced?

As well, I have a question: What are these mysterious 'Polls' and who are the people they're asking? I sure as hell haven't been asked who I'd vote for. Are they just zipping around asking suburban morons if they like 'Ford'? And the dumb-asses (probably the afore mentioned dipshits) think they mean the motherloving car company and get all googly-eyed thinking the poll-taker is going to give them a Ford... and then Rob Ford has 44% popularity (Smitherman, 38%, and Pantalone, 16% as of Oct 15th, for the record).

Nothing says sexy like a Focus... Damn, you blue stallion.

What the hell is going on?? Regardless of what you believe, for godsake just be superficial for a moment and ask yourselves if you REALLY want to look at this man for the next term. Go watch the videos again, and tell me, straight up, that you LOVE the way he talks, and his belly is sexy and you wanna rub cocoa butter alllll over it.

You don't, and you're just saying you do to unhinge me.

To leave on 'somewhat' of a positive note. Apparently, Miller was third in the "Polls" and look what happened there. As well, I find that generally speaking, Liberal voters tend to be slightly more passive until the fight at the end. Somehow, Conservatives fly their colours high like it's there JOB. So it's possible that the Liberals, Green, and NDP's are staying low until the end when we KAMIKAZE on your ass and take the office for the win.

AND we get to listen to beautiful sounds like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpvQXovrzyQ

Do yourself a favour and click on this link.

What do you think Robby's doing right now? Not listening to beautiful music and riding his bike... that's for DAMN sure.

xo Per

Confessions of a Guilty Non-Believer

Well. I believe I need to make a public apology. To myself, to the public, to the dying, ugly plant on my desk.

I have NOT "stuck to the plan". Kristan knows what I mean about "Sticking to the Plan":

(This is me STICKING TO THE PLAN in Amsterdam)

BigTallMan! I have not stuck to the plan! I'm just... horrible.

Everyone, I started this bloggificiousness for a REASON. Well, a few reasons. To get me old brain writing again, to vent and expel, and to GET HAPPY. Wellll... WTF? I've totally not been following protocol here.

Ok, in all fairness, I suck at protocol. I hate rules, and regulations, and will probably mutter under my breath how stupid "boundaries" are until I die. I begrudgingly "do what I'm supposed to" MAINLY so that I don't end up talking to myself, dirty and naked on the street; but also so I can DO SOMETHING of value with my life (keep this in mind, because drive and consequence largely influences my sense of duty... and get in the way of my rebellitiousness). HOWEVER, while I "try" to follow protocol I appear as a complacent, decent, and responsible, lovely girl*. I believe that my true, of truest nature actually comprises of total rebellion, and I'm bordering on an outburst. Again.

I told BigTall the other week that I'm the worst kind of rebel, because they never see it coming. After behaving for a while, I'll usually just stir shit up... just because I can. They think "oh, isn't she sweet, quiet (HA!), kind and hard-working"... yup, sure am, until I throw it in your face biatch! I played hooky two days last week (ooooh dangerous), and it's the best thing I've done in a while, I rode my bike basically for two days straight. I slept, I read, I watched T-motherfucking-LC, and it was a "Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta" marathon and I OWNED IT (it's ridiculous and hilarious crack, and for some stupid reason I LOVE it). I knit, learned a new stitch (again... what a fucking rebel), I cleaned the house and my MIND, and felt GREAT. Yah, I'm bad-ass. I didn't feel bad at ALL about LYING to the entire office about my non-existent illness. Does this make me a horrible irresponsible person? NO. It makes me a person who can't effing take it anymore and refuses to put up with it.

Why do you think so many people are SO ANGRY all the time? They're doing things they resent DAY IN DAY OUT. Yes, everyone, I am angry and sad a lot. I resent the fact that my entire day is being eaten by a computer, and an Excel Spreadsheet, and doing menial tasks  make my head crawl, I'm eventually numb by 5:30. I know my above, and latest rebellion seems trivial, and boring in the grand scheme of society's iconoclasts... but this is the latest uproar in my history; they have been small and large, and conclusively far too numbered to post in one measly entry. The basic overview is that I think authority can suck it.

So as I was swimming around in my discontent this last week I realized that the whole reason I started this blog is so I can keep track of where I am in my life, and how I am supposedly striving EVERYDAY to make it better... well I should slap myself repeatedly with a strap: you have not been striving Perrie! You have not strove.

Soooo: what now? Remember my little monster I found a few weeks ago... that cute little asshole? Well. I think his friend's brother's name is Rebellion, and he's about to cause a motherfucking riot (sorry mom, I know you asked me not to swear... WELL I'M REBELLING. I HAVE TO SWEAR). How do you cage an intelligent, overly creative, ambitious, non-conformist biatch? Hmm, me thinks you don't. AHHH Haaaa, but therein lies the RUB, I don't want to end up the naked, dirty homeless woman mentioned above. There are days I feel close though, and only my roof above tells me that I'm not quite there.

I swear to god though, if I have to listen to one more person in this office telling me about their stupid baby, or the fact that the subway was slow that morning (GASP. NOO! You're kidding right!? The subway is NEVER slow!) because that's ALL they have going on in their lives I may Superman Punch them into the vending machine (see fig. A and B).

Maybe I'm not cut out for the 9-5?

Now, just for fun, and a little palate cleanser... I wanted to now share with you some of the conversations I've had with my co-worker. Enjoy:

Co-worker: I ordered a cake for my husbands birthday.
Me: Oh ya...
CW: Ya. I'll pick it up with my husband when he picks me up on Friday.
Me: Oh...
CW: So it won't be a surprise, but that's ok. It's just a plain cake...

(pause)

CW: I had a cake made in the shape of a caterpillar for my son's 1st birthday (her kid is now three... no judgement).
Me: Oh nice.
CW: Ya, it was fun.

...

CW: I had a blood work appointment today. I have to get more tests done because I'm an older pregnant woman, so they have to monitor me.
Me: Oh ya.
CW: Ya, there's a blood clinic across from St. Michael's so I just went there. DID YOU KNOW THERE'S NO AIR CONDITIONING ON THE STREETCAR!?!?!?!"
Me: Yahhh.(Not that surprising seeing as streetcars move all of Toronto, and the drivers are condescending cretins who make you feel like dirt just for stepping aboard their beautiful chariot... there's also no cleanliness, kindness, or general sense of decency.) Ya, I don't think they're capable of having them.
CW: THE SUBWAYS DO!
Me: Ya, I just think that the streetcars are older, and not equipped.
CW: Well I was SO hot, and I couldn't get a seat. I had to stand. No one offered me a seat! (as much as I appreciate, and DO offer very pregnant women my seat readily, she was only 2 months pregnant, sooo... not exactly showing)
Me: Oh that's too bad. Ya.
CW: I could have walked! At least there wasn't a line up though. There was no one there! I thought it would be so busy cause it's right downtown Toronto. But it wasn't.
Me: (IT'S A MIRACLE! That is the most AMAZING thing I've EVER HEARD. I CANNOT BELIEVE THERE WAS NO LINE-UP. WHERE ARE THE FUCKING TRUMPETS AND ANGELS a-SINGING!?)Oh that's good...
CW: Ya, I was happy.


Ok. Am I mean? Well I'm not. We've all THOUGHT these things. YES. YESS YOU HAVE... and if you're not ALREADY annoyed by these excerpts then just add the fact that I hear about every single mundane MOMENT.

I'm a critically thinking, intelligent, fast-witted person. I despise small talk with the vicious blowing hate of Saturn the gas-giant (who's winds subsequently blow up to 1,800 km/h... that's a lot of wind-hate), it's trivial, mind numbing and mundane. I'd rather sit in a cupboard, alone and cold. 

All of this is to say that my days of 9-5 are numbered. As the Perrie Happiness Project skips along, and as I'm having to REMIND myself, I'm SUPPOSED to be moving closer towards being content and fulfilled. Spending my days sitting still, logging information I don't care about, or care to understand, with no hope of progressing or moving forward is NOT in the plan! Being miserable as I try to figure out my next step is frustrating however, and as mentioned in a previous post, I DO in fact have my plan, I DO have my ideas. The trouble is existing monetarily before said ventures start making money for me.

So, I've decided to accept a PATRON!! Yes, everyone, I'm open to proposals for you to financially support me while I pursue artistic greatness. Rent is really the only thing I need. Perhaps the odd shopping spree at Holt Renfrew. A jet mayhaps? Oooh! A pool and a HORSE!

Ok... rent is fine. What I'm saying is that I stay busier than ever when I'm NOT working menial jobs that eat my brain sludge, so all I need is to have that burden removed and what could be accomplished!?! ummm... lots of awesome. I hate sitting still, and I hate doing nothing, I'm ALLL business.

Although the idea of a patron may appear slightly unrealistic, I am searching for my next WABAM! on my head to figure out how to make the money happen, whether through patronage or on my own. So where are we? Let's assess: that was a lot of rant to dig through:

1. I need to get out of here... soon...

2. To get out of here I need to come up with a way of paying rent that doesn't make me want to eat my knee-caps while I invest my valuable time and brain power in my art.

3. I feel like I'm back where I was, months ago BUT really, I've already extracted MANY
variables of negativity in my life including: stopping waitressing, re-assessment of what I WANT out of acting and art, and not what I'm told to want, (which results in desperation), and I'm currently experiencing a new path-option.

4. Fearlessly try something else for cash-money. (ooooh that one's hard. The rebel in me screams LEAVE GET OUT JUST DO IT! But the last time I did that I CHOSE to be unemployed for 6 months, which didn't really end up too well for my financial well-being. So it's about being spontaneous and careful at the same time... is such a thing POSSIBLE??)

5. I'm not a self-destructive rebel... I'm a self-fulfilling rebel.

6. I need to weigh what kind of detriment I am wracking up here and how it's weighing on my brain, my heart and my soul vs. if it's worth it.

7. Boring people make my head hurt.

Well that was a BLOG AND A HALF! So fear not readers, I'm already doing better than I was in my blog-absence.

Hopefully the next one will be just full of freaking inspiration station to inspire you AND me! I shall leave you with this song because I lurves it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLK7hrRijes



*I once had a manager at a restaurant I worked at tell me that I look so lovely, and sweet until I open my mouth... mahahaha, yes looks are deceiving aren't they? ...The same goes for the misogynistic, moronic men who call: "hey baby, hey sweetie, smile!". LOOK! I've got shit on my mind. You want a smile? Go hire a lady of the night, yes A LADY OF THE NIGHT. Do men get told to "smile"? Ummm. NO HAHAHA. Can you imagine telling a man to "smile"!? hahaha. Punch in the faaace.